Renewed.

Monday, I was suddenly stricken with the thought, "I can totally do this."

And....

I have.

I've been lowering my carbs/sugars for the past 5 days, and I'm feeling good.  Not only good physically, but good emotionally, because it turns out I have an iron clad will.  Now, as to why I didn't do it before, and thought I had no willpower, that's for the armchair analysis of you, gentle reader. 

Every day this past week I've been under 80 g carbs...which I know is way above the induction phase of Atkins, but is still a significant decrease from the SAD's 250-300 g.  I have allowed myself:
- A tsp of sugar in my coffee every morning.  That's as low as I've been able to get it and still drink it.  I know I could give coffee up entirely, but right now I don't want to.  Maybe I will eventually.
- 4 Goldfish, 3 popcorn kernels, and 5 Fritos.  And man did I savor them. 

Otherwise, I've been pretty much carb and fruit-free.  Eating a LOT of vegetables and protein. 

I have NOT:
- Had any more of my son's birthday cake after his birthday this past Saturday.
- Had any of the rice, biscuits, or hand cut homemade french fries that have been made this week for family dinners.
- Had any soda.

One more week of this, and then I'm going to add back in some fruits, but shoot for the lowest carb ones.  I'll add back in some dark chocolate too, I know there's no way I'll be able to go without chocolate so I'll have to build that into my day.  I'll actually shop to prepare for this coming week, instead of scrambling with what I happened to have on hand.  So more snacky things, and lunch-y things that are quick and easy for me to grab. 

Long term, my plan is to stay completely away from:
- Bread (maybe one slice of whole wheat toast for breakfast a couple times a week) and pasta
- Added sugar
- Fast food (it's embarrassing how much we had been eating in the past year)
- Soda (except very, very rarely - like special occasions)
- Baked goods (again, just on special occasions) - I'll still make them for the kids fairly regularly, I just won't have them.  Or maybe one bite.  I seem to be able to do "one bite", but not a "small serving".

And have just a few bites of the following a week:
- potatoes
-  rice

"small servings" and "moderation" apparently just don't work for me.  I can't take a half a serving of pasta, or potatoes, or rice, because then....I want more.  One bite, I can do.  I've tried moderation over and over again, for the past 10 years....with bread, pasta, and sugar, I just don't think it's an option for me, at least not for a long while. 
My days have looked like:
Breakfast:  Coffee, 2 hard boiled eggs, bacon, some salad veggies.
Snack: a slice of lunchmeat
Lunch:  a slice of lunchmeat, a cup of 2% cottage cheese with 5-6 grape tomatoes  OR  tuna salad with cuke slices
Snack: green beans, pepperoni slices, some cheese, broccoli
Dinner:  Whatever protein the family is having, and a gigantic salad with lettuce, spinach, and vegetables.
Snack:  A spoonful of peanut butter

With a crapton of water throughout the day.  I'm making a point of drinking a glass of water when I get hungry to see if I'm really hungry, or just thirsty.

I'm coming in between 1400-1800 cal a day, and 80 g of carbs.  And I'm satisfied and full, and don't feel the need to eat more.  And it feels good.  Adding an apple here or there, some berries, a clementine a couple times a week, and adding in some bite-sized dark chocolate and I will be a pretty happy camper.  I'm going to shoot for between 100-125 g carbs for the short-longish term and see how my body responds to it.

And so once again, onward and upward.  Now that I've seen myself doing it, I'm not dreading it anymore, and it's really not that bad in the practice so far.  Now who knows, I may crash spectacularly...but I'm thinking not.